Cannabis Jokes
Cannabis Jokes
| Joke (Question) | Answer |
| What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? | Double jointed. |
| How do you know you are a true stoner? | When your bong gets washed more than your dishes! |
| What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet? | A joint in each hand! |
| What do you call a potato that smokes weed? | A baked potato. |
| What do you get when you eat marijuana ? | A Pot Belly |
| What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? | Drug Abuse |
| What does a Mermaid Smoke? | SeaWeed |
| What is the difference between politicians and stoners ? | Politicians don't inhale...they just suck. |
| What do a quarterback and a pothead have in common? | They both get blitzed!!! |
| What cartoon does Mary Jane watch? | The Power Puff Puff Pass Girls |
| Did you hear about the guitar that got baked? | It was highly strung. |
| What did the frog say when he passed the bong to his frog friend? | Ripp-IT!!!!! |
| What do you get when you mix laxatives and weed? | Shits and Giggles |
| Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? | They both love to spark up joints. |
| What do you call a stoned King? | Your Highness. |
| Why couldn't the life guard rescue the hippy? | Because he was too Far out. |
| If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? | A Cop |
| How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? | Mary u wanna? |
| How do you know when you are stoned? | When you are too phoned to stone home. |
| What do you call money that grows on trees? | Marijuana |
| Why can’t you inject marijuana? | Because you’ll get a budclot! |
| What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? | One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. |
| What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? | If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts." |
| What’s the best part about gardening? | Getting down and dirty with your hoes. |
| Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? | They just wash up on shore. |
| How does a stoner recite Shakespeare? | Doobie or not Doobie |
| What do you call a computer that smokes weed? | High tech. |
| What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes | Han so high |
| What does marijuana in the Miami Dolphins have in common | They both get smokin Bowls |
| How Long does it take a pound of weed go bad? | I don't know I haven't ever had it longer than an hour |
| Why did the stoner ccross the street? | His dealer lived on the other side |
| How do sharks get high? | Reefer |
| What do you call a guy that brings shrooms to the party? | A Fungi |
| How do you get a one arm hippie out of a tree? | Hold out a joint |
| What did the pharmacy when the cow ate the marijuana? | The steaks are high right now |
| What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana? | He Shanghai |
| What's the number one reason for requesting my medical marijuana card? | I need it for my joints |
| What is one marijuana plant city to the other? | Let's be best buds |
| I have a magic act where I make marijuana and cocaine disappear | It's all smoke and mirrors |
| What do you call place Where marijuana is legal and is alcohol is illegal. | High and dry |
| Waiter. This bread taste like marijuana. | It was baked this morning |
| Obi-Wan Kenobi started a marijuana dispensary on Tatooine. What's it called? | The High Ground |
| Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store | I’ll call it glazed and confused |
| Instead of marijuana dispensaries why don't they just call it.. | Grass Station |
| California legalized marijuana | I guess they had a high voter turnout. |
| The officer was blunt about what happens to marijuana smokers | He takes them right to the joint. |
| What do you call a high Reptile | A mariguana |
| What do you call a tea made with Cannabis? | Four Twentea. |
| Heard about the man who was arrested for smoking a bunch of weed and plucking his eyebrows? | They charged him with high tweezin’. |
| What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed? | Sea Kelp |
| Do you know that Cowboys don’t roll joints? | They tumble weed. |
|
Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5th? |
Because he knows how to reduce fractions |
| What can you do if you can’t afford a nice television? |
Just smoke a ton of weed and read the dictionary. It is called high definition
|
| Did you hear about the newest cannabis-infused drink? | It’s the best way to stay highdrated. |
| What happened after God legalized weed? | Prophets were at an all-time high. |
| How do you find a pothead in a crowd? | You weed them out. |
| What do you call a janitor that smokes a lot of weed? | High maintenance. |
| What happens if you smoke weed in a Muslim country? | Simple, you get stoned twice. |
| What does stoner Dracula say? | I want to smoke your bud |
| One liners | |
| God is perfect. Man is not. Man made liquor. God made pot. | |
| Call me Spiderman, because I'm in love with Mary Jane. | |
| Are you a Flower, because I marijuana take you home with me tonight. | |
| If smoking marijuana causes memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do? | |
| UNDER the influence, but ABOVE the ignorance. | |
| I told my doctor I was having problems with my joints, he told me to roll them tighter. | |
| I used to smoke weed….I still do, but I also used to. | |
| Making plans with a stoner is like being with a prostitute. They tell you they’re coming, but you know it’s a lie. | |
| Sorry for my bluntness, that’s just how I roll. | |
| you can't spell Healthcare without THC | |
| I just bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day. | |
| My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana. I guess my property line wasn't where I thought it was! |
|
|
A stoner called the fire department and said, “Come quick my house is on fire!” The Fireman who responded asked “How do we get there?” The stoner says “DUH, in a big red truck!”
|
|
| An old man walks up to a couple of potheads smoking a joint, and says, “Don’t you know that smoking weed makes you ignorant and apathetic?” One of the potheads turns to him and replies, “I don’t know, and I don’t care.” |
|
| Yo’ Mama is like marijuana — everyone does her, but no one admits it. | |
| The More I light My lighter the lighter my lighter gets until it is too light to light | |
| The other day my friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. I guess he was high on my list of priorities. | |
| Making plans with a stoner is like being with a prostitute. They tell you they’re coming, but you know it’s a lie. | |
| You can go to jail for weed Stoner: Jail sells weed? | |
| Are you a drug cause I'm marijuana take you home tonight | |
| I'm not addicted to weed, but I smoke it like I am | |
| Marijuana doesn't ruin your career drug test do | |
| Yo mama like a weed from Mexico, cheap and full of seed. | |
Custom Cannabis Cards
Share information about your brand with your customers. Describe a product, make announcements, or welcome customers to your store.
Provide the following details in the comment section to create your custom cannabis product card:
Include the Product Name, Cannabinoid Profile, and any additional details you want featured on the card