Cannabis Jokes
Cannabis Jokes
| Joke (Question) | Answer |
| What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? | Double jointed. |
| How do you know you are a true stoner? | When your bong gets washed more than your dishes! |
| What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet? | A joint in each hand! |
| What do you call a potato that smokes weed? | A baked potato. |
| What do you get when you eat marijuana ? | A Pot Belly |
| What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? | Drug Abuse |
| What does a Mermaid Smoke? | SeaWeed |
| What is the difference between politicians and stoners ? | Politicians don't inhale...they just suck. |
| What do a quarterback and a pothead have in common? | They both get blitzed!!! |
| What cartoon does Mary Jane watch? | The Power Puff Puff Pass Girls |
| Did you hear about the guitar that got baked? | It was highly strung. |
| What did the frog say when he passed the bong to his frog friend? | Ripp-IT!!!!! |
| What do you get when you mix laxatives and weed? | Shits and Giggles |
| Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? | They both love to spark up joints. |
| What do you call a stoned King? | Your Highness. |
| Why couldn't the life guard rescue the hippy? | Because he was too Far out. |
| If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? | A Cop |
| How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? | Mary u wanna? |
| How do you know when you are stoned? | When you are too phoned to stone home. |
| What do you call money that grows on trees? | Marijuana |
| Why can’t you inject marijuana? | Because you’ll get a budclot! |
| What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? | One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. |
| What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? | If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts." |
| What’s the best part about gardening? | Getting down and dirty with your hoes. |
| Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? | They just wash up on shore. |
| How does a stoner recite Shakespeare? | Doobie or not Doobie |
| What do you call a computer that smokes weed? | High tech. |
| What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes | Han so high |
| What does marijuana in the Miami Dolphins have in common | They both get smokin Bowls |
| How Long does it take a pound of weed go bad? | I don't know I haven't ever had it longer than an hour |
| Why did the stoner ccross the street? | His dealer lived on the other side |
| How do sharks get high? | Reefer |
| What do you call a guy that brings shrooms to the party? | A Fungi |
| How do you get a one arm hippie out of a tree? | Hold out a joint |
| What did the pharmacy when the cow ate the marijuana? | The steaks are high right now |
| What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana? | He Shanghai |
| What's the number one reason for requesting my medical marijuana card? | I need it for my joints |
| What is one marijuana plant city to the other? | Let's be best buds |
| I have a magic act where I make marijuana and cocaine disappear | It's all smoke and mirrors |
| What do you call place Where marijuana is legal and is alcohol is illegal. | High and dry |
| Waiter. This bread taste like marijuana. | It was baked this morning |
| Obi-Wan Kenobi started a marijuana dispensary on Tatooine. What's it called? | The High Ground |
| Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store | I’ll call it glazed and confused |
| Instead of marijuana dispensaries why don't they just call it.. | Grass Station |
| California legalized marijuana | I guess they had a high voter turnout. |
| The officer was blunt about what happens to marijuana smokers | He takes them right to the joint. |
| What do you call a high Reptile | A mariguana |
| What do you call a tea made with Cannabis? | Four Twentea. |
| Heard about the man who was arrested for smoking a bunch of weed and plucking his eyebrows? | They charged him with high tweezin’. |
| What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed? | Sea Kelp |
| Do you know that Cowboys don’t roll joints? | They tumble weed. |
|
Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5th? |
Because he knows how to reduce fractions |
| What can you do if you can’t afford a nice television? |
Just smoke a ton of weed and read the dictionary. It is called high definition
|
| Did you hear about the newest cannabis-infused drink? | It’s the best way to stay highdrated. |
| What happened after God legalized weed? | Prophets were at an all-time high. |
| How do you find a pothead in a crowd? | You weed them out. |
| What do you call a janitor that smokes a lot of weed? | High maintenance. |
| What happens if you smoke weed in a Muslim country? | Simple, you get stoned twice. |
| What does stoner Dracula say? | I want to smoke your bud |
| One liners | |
| God is perfect. Man is not. Man made liquor. God made pot. | |
| Call me Spiderman, because I'm in love with Mary Jane. | |
| Are you a Flower, because I marijuana take you home with me tonight. | |
| If smoking marijuana causes memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do? | |
| UNDER the influence, but ABOVE the ignorance. | |
| I told my doctor I was having problems with my joints, he told me to roll them tighter. | |
| I used to smoke weed….I still do, but I also used to. | |
| Making plans with a stoner is like being with a prostitute. They tell you they’re coming, but you know it’s a lie. | |
| Sorry for my bluntness, that’s just how I roll. | |
| you can't spell Healthcare without THC | |
| I just bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day. | |
| My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana. I guess my property line wasn't where I thought it was! |
|
|
A stoner called the fire department and said, “Come quick my house is on fire!” The Fireman who responded asked “How do we get there?” The stoner says “DUH, in a big red truck!”
|
|
| An old man walks up to a couple of potheads smoking a joint, and says, “Don’t you know that smoking weed makes you ignorant and apathetic?” One of the potheads turns to him and replies, “I don’t know, and I don’t care.” |
|
| Yo’ Mama is like marijuana — everyone does her, but no one admits it. | |
| The More I light My lighter the lighter my lighter gets until it is too light to light | |
| The other day my friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. I guess he was high on my list of priorities. | |
| Making plans with a stoner is like being with a prostitute. They tell you they’re coming, but you know it’s a lie. | |
| You can go to jail for weed Stoner: Jail sells weed? | |
| Are you a drug cause I'm marijuana take you home tonight | |
| I'm not addicted to weed, but I smoke it like I am | |
| Marijuana doesn't ruin your career drug test do | |
| Yo mama like a weed from Mexico, cheap and full of seed. | |
Custom Cannabis Cards
Share information about your brand with your customers. Describe a product, make announcements, or welcome customers to your store.
Dispensary Sign Up
East Indica is a strategic marketing company specializing in cannabis trading cards to promote brand awareness. Our mission is to feature your brand or dispensary in our exclusive card packs, ensuring lasting visibility in the cannabis industry.
Get started today by clicking the link below to choose your package and secure your place in cannabis history!
Why East Indica Cannabis Cards?
At East Indica Cannabiz Company, we’ve created informational cannabis trading cards that serve as powerful educational and branding tools for dispensaries. Here’s why incorporating these innovative, collectible business cards is essential:
🔹 Stand Out from the Competition
Traditional business cards are forgettable—ours aren’t. Custom cannabis trading cards capture attention, spark conversations, and make your dispensary truly unique.
🎨 Strengthen Your Brand Identity
Your business card is a reflection of your dispensary’s brand. Our customizable designs allow you to incorporate your logo, colors, and style, ensuring consistency and lasting brand recognition.
🔥 Be Memorable
More than just a card, this is a tangible representation of your dispensary’s values and commitment to quality. A unique, collectible design increases the likelihood that customers remember and recommend your business.
🤝 Expand Your Network
In the cannabis industry, connections matter. These business cards leave a lasting impression on industry professionals, potential partners, and customers—helping you grow your brand.
At East Indica Cannabis Cards, we deliver high-quality, visually striking business card solutions tailored to your dispensary. Let’s create a card that truly represents your brand and helps you stand out in the industry!
Provide the following details in the comment section to create your custom cannabis product card:
Include the Product Name, Cannabinoid Profile, and any additional details you want featured on the card
Contact form
To create your custom Dispensary Cannabis Card, please provide the following details in the comment section:
Dispensary Name, Address, Phone Number, License Number, Store Hours, Website, Instagram Handle, Preferred Card Color, Top Left Corner Icon (Choose from: Pot Leaf, Blunt, Joint, Bong)